Between The Covers- Lost and Found

Lost and Found

Between the Covers

By Torch

All right you are ready to head out the door to the concert, ticket in hand, and you run through a quick list of the necessities, wallet, sunscreen, rain poncho, blanket, sandwiches in a clear plastic bag, (as per the instructions), one factory sealed bottle of water (also as per the instructions) a small camera, your cell phone, no lawn chair for this event, and yes your car keys.  You jam it all in a pack; grab your favorite Columbia hat, and are feeling hot in your “New Guy” t-shirt and baggy shorts. Bounding out the door to pick up your friends, you stop and grab a 12pack of cheap beer for the parking lot party with your buds.

Thank you for calling ““insert venue name” how can I help you?”

“I was at the Dark Season of Rock Festival last night and I lost my hat. It is roundish, and says Columbia on it, and there might be a t-shirt with it that says New Guy. Also, um yeah, and I lost my shoe, a leather sandal.”

“Sir, were you naked when you left the venue?”

“No, huh huh huh, almost. The night just kind of got away from me.”

“Well, nothing has been turned in matching that description but let me take your name and number just in case it shows up.”

I spend an entire day answering these calls. People lose all sorts of stuff. First off if you lose something, call- we may have it. Keep in mind not everything can be recovered, so if you have lost any of the following items at a show: cash, your virginity, drugs, weapons, or your alcohol soaked memory– these will not be returned to you. I have yet to see a single wallet turned in with cash in it.

Caller-“Um yeah, I lost my wallet at Stoner Fest, and it is leather with a metal star on it?”

“Oh yes, it was turned in last night.”

“Can you check and see if my license is in it or my cash?”

“Okay. No, your license is not here or any cash, but your social security card is still there.”

“Damn! Well what else is inside?”

I don’t go through people’s wallets unless asked, as it seems like an invasion of privacy. This guy asked me to look, what an idiot!

“You have a King Sooper’s card, a few other business cards, and …your stash.”

An awkward silence chokes the air. “You can come pick it up at the box office today, but we are having a show so parking will be messy.” The conversation ends.

I ask my supervisor what we do with drugs, and we turn them in to the cops. Later that day I ran into the police on duty for the concert and tell them about the little baggies of powder with $ signs on them. They follow me to the office and just as I am turning the wallet over to the police we get a call that the owner is out front to pick it up. The police were so kind in that they delivered the wallet to the man personally and he was then arrested not only for the drugs but he had several other warrants.

Now what kind of an idiot asks someone to go through their wallet knowing they had drugs in it? Furthermore, he now knows that we know about the drugs and he still comes to pick it up. AND, he has warrants pending but comes to get this wallet with the only thing of value in it being his drugs! (Forehead smack!)

I know you are having fun at the concert and most people partake in some form of fun booster, just plan ahead. In general men tend to lose their IDs and women lose their credit cards, there is no logic to this, just an observation. Most stuff is predictable right down to the Jerry Springer umbrella lost at the Trailer Trash rock show, but there are still those weirdoes out there.

Message on the lost and found line- “I am calling because I wear a Jason mask and preach the word of the lord while wearing it, and some foul woman took it off me and threw it into the crowd. I am hoping someone turned it in, as it is really important to me.”

Okay first things first, Really?! The lord must be so proud.

Calls such as this I don’t return, as I do try as a courtesy to call everyone and let them know one way or another if their stuff was found. I however exercise my right not to return the phone calls of the creepy psychos. And his mask was not found, this mystery I leave to the lord.

The number one lost item that people want back the most is their precious phones. FYI-  i-Phones are rarely turned in to lost and found.

So, when you are standing out in the parking lot at the end of the night taking inventory of your missing keys, wallet, condom of hope, sunglasses, left shoe, and dignity; call a cab. Next time take in only what you need, and tie it on to yourself just like your mom did in kindergarten with your red mittens and the string through the arms of your jacket.

* Note: the names of the shows have been changed to protect the venues and their fun loving patrons. Rock on and see you next time!!

Tags: between the covers, torch

Category: Buzzworthy2